12.24.o8

He lives on the corner of Saturn

&& Jupiter he gives me butterflies

and my heart flies to Mars. <3

Grrrr.

He says i'm bragging that i'm "over" him.
I'm just happy that my heart didn't win.
Sometimes with love you do crazy things...
and i fell
and just kept falling.
with no one to catch me
no one to hold me
no one to rescue this broken heart.
I should have known from the start.
Cause he was my smile...
he was my frown; never make a dude your "everything"
because when they're gone your left with nothing.
but i'm left with no regrets.
he was the lighter to my cigarette
so i went ahead and got a Nicotine patch
recoverd my heart; and tightened the latch. :)

hahaha i wrote this in like 5 seconds, just had to get my feelings out. :)
--maybe i'll make it real later.

You don't know me... her.

They throw up every "gang" sign possible
and rep how "hood" they are
yet they still don't know the struggle just to get by...

you judge her.
call her "rich."
and you dont even know her battle
mentally or physically.

walk a mile in her shoes.
and see her pain
mattafact walk a couple steps...
she'll be ready
--when you give up.

Power

I place the two together
and let them interlock
get on my knees
and open my mouth to talk.
but the words don't come out
and my eyes begin to "shout"
the power overwhelms
and He takes me to another realm.
-- i don't speak a single word
yet all my prayers were heard.

<3

Untitled .oo6

She lie there shaking
from her overdose on cocaine
her life was too hard
so she couldn't take the pain
she snorted up the white drug
and relaxed; as her nose stung.
tears poured from her eyes

--a reflection of her heart
she steadily grabbed the knife
and slowly began to carve
she carved love
she carved hate
and in the middle was his name
on the floor was a blood stain...
her eyes had ran out of tears
so her extraction was the substitute
the hurt was more than she could bare
she needed something else to do

flash backs of him raping her
was slowly killing her
so she decided to finish off the job...
went in her drawer and reached for her glock
ice cold to her finger tips
warm liquids flushed her face
as she slowly parted her lips
pushed the weapon in
and put her life to an end

but the cycle wasn't broken
she was loved though it was unspoken
and at the sight of her death
her sister took her last breath
with the same apparatus
and their moms heart was damaged
so she took a rope and ended it
but the cycle was still just beginning...

She wasn't her...

The earthquake hit her heart.
and it was torn into pieces.
her love dissappears
as her hate increases...
she was left with a scar.
her emotions were torn apart.
she vowed to keep her heart away
as she learned how to "play the game"


her hurt retreated
so she defeated
the undefeated
she cheated
then beat it.
got another dude
and reapeat it.

then she changed;
cause you came along

--and your kindness
healed the contusion
patched up her hurt
and erased the confusion
removed her insecurities
and filled the missing pieces

you were her
--comfort zone
with you she...
--never felt alone

until
the other girl
which wasn't she
came back
&& re-captured your heart
and the pain deepend the cracks
and now i... i mean she
is right back
to where she used to be

not weak and confused
but torn and re-bruised

this is old too. december 2nd. just never posted cause it sucks.

FUCK THEM OTHER HOESSSS;;

11.2o.o8

she said
and he said
then they said
and we fed
off their lies
now we dead.
cause he said
and she said
lies... that ate us alive.

untitled .oo5

of course i dot my i's.
and cross my t's.
and x out my hearts...
...it's only natural
to me that is.

error.

Sooo... I'm blogging from my phone; yay me. Hmmm. Idk what I'm feelin. Dunno what topic I wanna write about. Nothing flows anymore. I don't feel that crucial pain to write about... And I surely don't have any happiness "high". Sooo hmm let's see.

--There's an error in my life.
Dunno where I went wrong.
I followed the yellow brick road.
Now the bricks are all gone.
I turned right and got lost...
Then I saw a dead end.
I'm all by myself.
Fuck a muthafuckin friend.
I don't need him, you, or her.
Duh; bitch my hearts been burned.
My feelings flew to outerspace
Can't you see the hurt; stained on my face?
Hmmm, that's what I thought.
You're just like the rest.
I try to pull it together.
But my lifes still a mess.
There's an error in my life
'Don't know where I went wrong
I followed the yellow brick road.
But the bricks are all gone...

Me.

"Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I dont...
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I wont.
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes.
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul... "
-Arie.

...learning to overcome my insecurities.

Untitled .oo4

I get in the zone...
the music fills my head
as my body sways from left to right.
Nothing matters...
for those couple of hours.
--I'm happy.

Untitled .oo3

Somehow
Our love expired.
&& Our feelings floated
--through the air.
together forever
But forever's not here.

Michael.

There has to be some type of cure...
some type of remedy
some type of something to help me
--get OVER you.







...who ever thought it'd be so hard?

Untitled .oo2

So tired of "friends"
can't live with em.
can't live with out em??
guess i'll just have to test
--out that hypothesis.
Myself.

Untitled .oo1

...and sometimes it's worst than you thought.
Feels like your whole life comes crashing down in less than a second.
Get help before you go crazy.
Get help before it takes control of your life.
Get help before you become me.

Yeah.

My hearts frozen; it don't even beat.

--Fuck everyone's apologies.

Love Story.

There is only two kinds of love stories. Boy loses girl; or girl loses boy.

--live with it.

Intangible.

Love
Joy
Tears
Smile
Satisfaction
Happiness
Ecstasy

What used to be
--fades.

Hate
Pain
Tears
Frowns
Animosity
Dead Faith

...Confused

Do I end it?

STOP.

hold it for a minute.

my emotions so struck.

i'm finna jump in front of this truck.

it's time for me to end it all.

climb up the eiffel tower

&& just let me fall.

no more him, him and she.

now my life is about me.

should i go?

do i stay...

whats the reason i ended up this way?

was him him or her?

Lord, i don't know.

but I do need a cure.

sometype of deep soul cleansing.

flash backs from my past

got me repenting.

why'd he do it?

she should have let him go...

but she had two kids.

aint wanna say no.

so he beat her.

didn't know how to treat her.

and she left.

came back... returned.

now its me, him, him and her.

should i stay or should i go.

my past was hell

but you wouldn't know.

so here i am.

stuck.

between reality

and whats a fantasy.

do i live this life? or end it.

because once i'm gone

there's no more repentin.

its not easy...

am i strong enough for the struggle?

well... i forgave, cause she forgave.

but in my heart hate remains.

what i witnessed will never die.

and because he's forgiven? doesn't make it right.

but if it's over.

why isn't innocene returned in my life?

Help. 'o7

My life is twisted

I hate this shit.

You don't know me.

Though you may think you do.

Yeah... I smile.

But it's not true.

Real eyes never lie.

But mine are decieving.

My blood counts decresing.

My love for you increases.

Fuck a poem.

This is my thesis.

Bloooooooooood.

It's all I see; all I read.

I don't know my damn self, so I'm takin psychology.

Cause my out look doesn't match my mentality.

Am i sick or am I happy?

I have a mother but where's my daddy?

Why'd he go?

Shit, I don't know.

I write down these words, but when I speak I choke.

You think you know me?

Well you don't know SHIT

And if this is life.

Fuck it I quit.

I don't know myself...

Where's my councelor? I need help.

lalalalalaga. :-/

Why do boys "date" without the intention of furthering the relationship?
--is furthering a word? hmmm anyways.
I don't understand how people can talk for a year... and still not be together. Are yall really that selfish? And since yall aren't official that gives space and opportunity to talk to whoever you want to... Why are dudes so afraid of a little commitment? Shit I am too, but if I think the person is worth it I'm willing to take the risk. I'm SO tired of these bull shit boys playin games... and then when someone asks me why I'm single they say don't blame that shit on the last guy.
Well Mr. the first guy was like the last guy who is most likely going to be like the next guy, which is the solemn reason why I'm not with ANY guy. There all about the same shit... we're all eighteen and up here; get a life and grow a dick. Commitment will NOT kill you; but fuckin around with 98q985948 girls will. If your so different prove that shit; oh imma real nigga... on my grown man status type shit. SHUT THE FUCK UP! All yall niggas is lames. Then wanna ask my why i'm soo mean and heartless... why else? Sooooooooooooo...

FUCK ALL YALL hoe ass nigga; I pulled this bitch and her cousin she my girl on the side cause i aint got no balls to make it official call her in the afternoon and call ol girl at night she'll never find out it was only some head she don't mean shit type niggas! && have a nice day. :)

HATE

...is sometimes just confused love.

3 Words; 8 Letters...

He said it August 1990.
He said it in May 2006.
He said it February 2007.
&& He said it September 2008.
--and all these boys; and all these "i love you's"
DON'T MEAN SHIT.

...I hate you; SO much right now.

...and i can't begin to explain.

- -Torn.

I want him.

And there is no he in the world she'd prefer.

But his mind is deferred.
Maybe lost his train of thought?
But he has her heart caught.
And as much as I try and BREAK free.
The he in him has got me.
Although she's not in love...
I know her love for him is strong.
And though she's young; she's wise.
And I know her love never dies.
But he's being a boy...
And boys like girls.
But she's ready to be a woman.
and that she is I...
So under the cicrumstances
He's not man enough
--for me.
And the him is not ready for she.
But when will he...
--be?

Everyday
Everymorning
He's the first thing on her mind.
The last thing at night...
I want him to be the joy in my life.
So I hold on; grasp tight.
To something thats NOT pulling back.
So she loses the fight.
And like the men before; he just aint right.
Yet hope remains in the back of her mind.
So she lets him go; hopefully he'll find his way.
But when he's ready... I hope it's not too late.
Cause she is patient... but I
--I can't wait.